Several months ago, a family friend came to us wanting to adopt her unborn child. I told myself to not get my hopes up, things change and this could be one of those things. Then came the day we saw the 4d ultrasound pictures, I knew then that this was real. I came back home and decided that we might need to start getting small things for him. He would be entering the world soon and we needed to be prepared.
We got bedding, beautiful cream colored bedding :) We bought the cutest rocker with a little snail attached. Friends donated jumpers, clothes, books and high chair. Everything felt so real. I knew this was it, we were FINALLY going to be parents.
About two weeks, I had this feeling that things were not going to work out. No specific events really but I just had this gut feeling. Then, I got the message. The mother sent me a message telling me she was sorry for changing her mind but she just couldn't do it. My heart sank. I lost my breathe. I felt like somebody had punched me in the chest.
There are so many mixed emotions right now. I am glad that she has decided to get things together and raise her son but at the very same time I feel like this chunk of my life has been ripped out. I know that I should not have gotten my hopes up and I should not have put so much into it but at the very same time, how do you not?
Right now, I do not know how to move on. I guess just one day at a time is all I can do. I am now scared to begin again and I am emotionally drained. I am just not sure where to go from here. What is the next step? How does one begin to recover?
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